August 8, 2011

In the Company of Women


(written on the flight home from BlogHer '11 in San Diego)

The sun is setting over the Pacific as my plane takes off for home. For the past four days, I haven't hated that sun. The San Diego sun has been pleasant, after all. The Texas sun that I'll see again tomorrow? It wants to kill us all. And it might just succeed.

I'm not going to write about the Special Needs Mini-Conference itself just yet. Those of us who participated in the panel and those who attended have been asked to post something next week, on the 15th, so I'll gather my thoughts and post a more comprehensive something something then.

But I did want to say a few words about the women I met at the conference. Given that it was BlogHer, it was almost entirely women I met, after all. (I walked into the conference center's men's room on several occasions and had it all to my princely self.) There were a few educators at the conference, but mostly, I met mothers.

I met extraordinary mothers.

I see how hard Julie works for Schuyler; I know as well as anyone the rocky pathways these mothers tread. As I met them and heard their stories, I found once again that some of them face monsters that make Schuyler's look like Cookie Monster. I met mothers who face daunting obstacles, mothers who spend their waking hours tending to and sustaining and comforting their beautiful, broken children. Some of them do this work alone, far too many of them, I suspect. I met mothers who have no time, and yet make time, mothers who struggle not just to save their children, but also to hang onto their own humanity, their own sense of self. I met mothers fighting to avoid being swallowed by their children's monsters.

These mothers have every right to be tired, to be ragged and sad and bitter. They've earned that right with their tireless advocacy and their unending work. They fear the future like I do, and that fear can be consuming as well. These mothers have a right to lose their faith.

But here's the thing. I didn't meet ragged, defeated mothers. I met strong women, charming and funny and positive, mothers who recognize not just the extraordinary challenges that their children present, but the enriched lives and unshakable loves that they enjoy for having those kids in their worlds. I spent the day of the conference with a continuous lump in my throat, listening to their stories and their hope and their unflagging overbelief in their kids.

If I were to try to list everyone I met, I would leave someone off and that would be wildly unfair. I do want to recognize my extraordinary fellow panelists, Shannon des Roches Rosa and Aurelia Cotta, as well as Julia "Not that Julia Roberts" Roberts from Support for Special Needs, who organized the event and ran it like Swiss clockwork. Thanks also to the unstoppable Jen Lee Reeves for all your help and amazing energy.

Mostly, I want to thank everyone I met and everyone who attended the session. I felt like something real got started, something significant set in motion. For myself, I can only say that I feel inspired to do better, to be a better parent and a stronger advocate. And that's probably the very best I could ever hope for.

11 comments:

Penny said...

Oh it sounds like a wonderful conference was had Rob! And thank you, I took what you wrote about mothers to heart. As a mom to a teen with autism and a youngster with Type 1 diabetes, I took it to heart. Al I can say is thank you, I needed to hear these words about mothers and women today.
Can't wait to hear more about the conference.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Rob!! I can't get over how wonderful it was to connect with moms (and a dad) with a wide range of stories and experiences. I think the mini-conference was just the beginning of something awesome.

Wantapeanut said...

I truly enjoyed meeting you! I left the conference with a renewed sense of energy and purpose. Truly a wonderful weekend!

Amanda Jaksha said...

Awww, thanks Rob. I very much admire the passion you bring from the male perspective, I think all super dads should spend some time here.

Gawd are we ever trying to avoid being swallowed by what ever monster makes a home with us. Even better, we are coming out of the shadows...demanding a place in our society for our children and families too.

Isn't it beautiful? Look out world...

Anonymous said...

I had my own male-centric view of BlogHer 2011. Here's what I saw:

http://maddadzblogs.com/blog/2011/08/08/blogher-2011/

Liz Ditz said...

Thanks Rob! It was so great to meet you and Jen and Aurelia and....

Yep I am going to forget somebody so I will stop now.

"Joining together despite our differences" was a strong theme not just of the mini-Con but the whole conference.

Elizabeth said...

I wish that I'd been there --

Amanda K said...

It was amazing, wasn't it? Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with all of us.

We can make a difference. We just have to decide to. This weekend, I decided. Thanks for helping me to make that decision.

Ellen Seidman said...

Rob, it was great to meet you and hear your talk. You are every bit as eloquent in speaking as you are in your writing. Hope to actually hang out with you next time we're someplace together. Wine Drinkers of America Conference?

Cass said...

There is very little I can personally do to make a meaningful impact on my children and their disabilities. This makes me profoundly sad in my darkest moments, but I listened to every word you said and was inspired to the point where I could barely get out of the building fast enough to share my enthusiasm about your book with some friends. Thank you for that, for reminding me that in numbers we cannot be ignored. Change is coming. It is! We will make it happen.

I wish we had no reason to ever meet--given the circumstances under which we eventually met--but please know that your words were powerful to me. And if you ever lose that sense of humor I will come and personally kick your ass.

Sincerely, @aclevergirl

p.s. four days later, I still have a bruise the size of a car accident on my left arm, thanks to an unfortunate incident involving body-shaking laughter and a precariously placed syringe. :/

Kizz said...

I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you while you were there. I did, though, have lunch later with a couple of moms from San Jose who had been to the minicon and loved being introduced to your writing and advocacy and, you know, just you. Sounded like it was a great experience for all. I'm glad you were part of it.