I wrote a little somethin' somethin' about special needs parenting for PajamasMedia, called The New Nomads: Families in Search of Special Education. Go check it out and spread the love.
Incidentally, the article features what may be my favorite photo of Schuyler and me. It takes a confident man to wear fairy wings. I think I make it work.
---
Edited to add: If you wonder why I almost never talk about politics anymore, go look at the comments being left on that article. Jesus Howard Christ...
28 comments:
can't believe you "by golly"ed.
Great article. I have co-workers that live in Plano primarily for their great school system. Good to know that it extends beyond just a good football team.
So are you realizing that maybe "dirty hippy" politics create bad schools, bad neighborhoods (Democrats have dominated Detroit for decades)and uncaring (for all the talk) neighbors.
Or are you going to PTA meetings, rallies, protests, trying to force your liberalism on the same conservatives that created the place that is best for you and your daughter? Are you going to vote in lock-step with the teachers unions that dominate the school districts that you found to be unsuitable? Will you vote for the PC horse crap that turns special ed programs into "lawsuit avoidance" programs?
I suspect that my comment is just a little too close to home to make it to your blog, but I hope that you and your liberal friends think about it.
Considering that we're in the middle of our own move from the land of tree-hugging hippie liberals to Richardson, TX, this was pretty cool to read. Very glad to hear that even in Plano you've managed to find your niche.... I think we'll do just fine. By golly. :)
I just want to point out two things.
1) The last time I have either deleted or failed to approve a comment was about a year and a half ago, and that was because the person was anonymously posting a physical threat against my child. Like any other blogger, I reserve the right to filter the assmonkeys if I choose. However, I almost never do.
2) When I go over you the blog of a commenter and read the following...
"Sorry to the tiny percent of muslims that are not barbaric scum, but the fact that this crap is not uncommon in your world is evidence to me that you are not compatable with us, we cannot live side by side, and there is no way in hell we can live with you."
...well, I have to say, the first potential username that comes to mind isn't necessarily "mr. smarterthanyou".
It was a nice break from "anonymous", though. I will grant you that.
Why the comment about children with Down syndrome and autism? I get the feeling, from the post, that you believe these children to be "all of a kind," and a kind that requires more care than a child like Schuyler? Hasn't your years as a nontypical parent shown you that each child is unique?
As mom to a son with Down syndrome, I really felt let down by this part of your post. I don't know why we need to make these sorts of distinctions...couldn't you have just said "children with vastly different diagnoses" and left it at that?
I can see your point, Jennifer, but I don't agree. It wasn't intended as a slight, and I don't believe it reads like one. In fact, I believe that far from painting special needs kids as "all of a kind", I think I was saying the exact opposite.
The point I was making, and I believe it is a valid one, is that both in general and specifically in this case, children with severe autism and Down syndrome often require a level of immediate attention and protection that makes the "everyone together in one big classroom of broken children" unworkable. If my experience with general special needs education is atypical, then I do apologize.
I'm not sure what to say about those specific examples rather than the more generic terminology you'd prefer. I was citing real-world examples. Could I have softened my language? Of course. But to do so would suggest that I was somehow denigrating students who suffer from autism or Down syndrome, and I was not. Were I the parents of one of those children, I would be equally disheartened by the warehouse approach that was being applied to special needs students.
I'm not sure what else to say, other than I recognize that our particular circumstances color our perceptions. When you, as the mother of a child with Down syndrome, read those words coming from a parent of a child without Down syndrome, red lights go off. I understand that; I have the same red lights.
To be perfectly honest, I see the same red lights when I read almost exclusively about special needs moms in your writing, as if fathers are either nonexistent or at the very best secondary to the mothers. That has bothered me for a long time, but I have accepted that it's not a matter of priority or judgment, but rather perspective. I hope you'll recognize that in my own choices of words and identifiers, the same might be true.
Rob, we agree to disagree, then. I still feel as if you have not addressed the wide ranges of abilites in children with Down syndrome or austism; many of them are actually in mainstream classrooms. But that may be a discussion best left for another time.
I'm sorry, genuninely so, that you feel excluded from my posts about motherhood. When writing about opportunities for parents, I've gone back in and changed the language to include dads, too. You should stop by, I think you'll see I made those changes almost instantly after you mentioned them.
Thanks for letting me say my peace. I didn't feel as if a red light went off: rather, as if an opportunity for education had been missed.
I'm sure that the coming year is going to afford me a lot of opportunities to better educate myself about a wider range of special needs issues. I hope my writing and my perspective benefits from that exposure. Thanks for taking the time to point that out.
My husband and I are woefully disappointed with the lack of services for our toddler in this small community. When school time comes around I have a feeling we'll be leading the nomadic life you describe here so well. I am glad to hear that you and Julie have found happiness in Plano. You at least deserve that much.
Dear Mr Smarterthanyou:
You're not.
Dear Mr. Smarterthanyou:
You DO know that it's possible to be conservative without being an asshole, right?
My dad is able to manage it. That's why he and I get along just fine, and I'm one of those dirty liberals you're talking about (oh, that's another thing, he never uses the word "dirty" when talking about my politics; see, respect goes a long way).
Rob, I have to admit that your pointing fingers at certain populations within Schyler's class in Connecticut set off red flags for me as well. "Schuyler spent most of her days in a special education class, quietly seated off to the side while the teachers and their assistants spent all their time and energy taking care of children with severe autism and Down syndrome. It was understandable; many of these students would injure themselves or others if they weren’t supervised this way." My son has down syndrome, and I'm not aware of any literature or evidence that supports a claim that children with down syndrome are more prone to self injury or dangerous behavior than any other group of children. I cannot argue with Shuyler's experiences - perhaps in her class there were some students with exceptional needs or other issues in addition to down syndrome that made them dangerous, and required unusual levels of supervision - but that is not typical, in my experience. In truth, as you allude to in other places in your article, the problem is not the fault of the children - whatever their diagnosis - demanding all the time and energy of their teachers...it is the fault of a system that does not provide enough support for special educators. You are correct in your reply to another poster - each of us comes from a different perspective and has different things that raise our parenting hackles. I have no doubt that you did not intend to single out children with autism or down syndrome as the reason that the special education system in CT (such that it is)failed Schuyler - but that's what it sounded like to me. Hence, this commment, my first to you. Which is kind of unfair; to comment only to kvetch at you when I could have written any number of other times when your writing and images were so spot on and beautiful.
And, oh yes, the wings do suit you.
Debbie
Rob, what kind of a site is that????
I loved the article. And it is nice to hear that we plano-ites are not all bad ;)
Rob, what kind of a site is that????
I have two answers to that question.
1) Apparently, quite a conservative one. (I'm finding this out the hard way.)
2) One that pays. I'll let right wing zealots yell at me for money.
Man, you're really getting reamed for never...actually insulting conservatives at all!
I liked the article a lot, and I left a comment over there too.
Kim,
I used words that Rob used, so rather than the insult being to me, it is to you for commenting w/out knowing what the heck you are talking about. Perhaps you have a learning disability yourself? But then you liberals don't seem to blush easily.
Rob, can you answer to my actual question of are you actually smart enough to question how your brand of liberalism has FAILED to generate the kind of schools/neighbors that you want your kid exposed to?
I think your ad-hominim attack vs. answering my question just shows that you are a parasite in your community (taking, but only giving back the liberalism that they don't want).
"Right wing Zealots"???
I guess that is my answer. Parasite all the way.
Wow, I'm a parasite. Awesome. I will let the rest of you decide whether or not I should feel wounded by such a judgment, coming from someone who has stated the following on his blog:
"Muslims make pigs look civilized and clean"
"If I were the president, I would put you (Muslims) all out of our collictive misery. For the innocent victims: Sorry, but at least you would have the comfort of knowing that there would be no more girls born into your fucked up, barbaric, shitty assed world."
"If those cowardly, disgraceful limeys (The British servicemen taken hostage by the Iranians a few months ago) don't kill themselves out of shame, they have none. I think the biggest balls in Britain are 6 feet under, between the deceased Maggie Thatcher's legs."
(Raise your hand if you think Margaret Thatcher is dead.)
And finally:
"Wow, this helps explain some of the idiocies of modern Jews."
None of this is to say that I in any way want you to stop commenting. Just the opposite. I love that you're here, and I mean that. Just don't be upset if I continue to take every single word you post as an absolute joke. And I mean that in the most non-partisan way possible. I'm just glad you're not on my side.
And if you're really waiting for an answer to your passive-aggressive question, the answer is no.
I'm not sure why it was "bad" of Rob to mention that there were severely disabled autistic and Down's Syndrome children in Schuyler's classroom. And apparently, they DID require more care than Schuyler. Why is it so offensive that he pointed it out? She was obviously lumped into a classroom that had too large a spectrum of needs to adequately cope with any of those children. He's pointing out a deficiency in the classrom, not a deficiency in the children themselves.
deleted comments ...um what about me...
Mr. Smarterthanyou:
Hmm. I guess all I'll say at this juncture is "you just try to have a nice life, now."
It amazes me how people read more in your words than you actually wrote. You never insulted conservatives. You never made disparaging remarks about children with autism or down syndrome. You wrote honestly about yourself and your experiences.
In the comments on this blog and on the article, people jumped on their soapboxes about their own issues, whether or not you wrote in the way they were protesting.
How annoying.
Rob, I liked your article - a story of parents moving to a community/climate that doesn't necessarily suit them for the sake of their child...and being pleasantly surprised themselves. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. :)
I - wow. Holy damn. I've seen you when you're being cranky and poking at people with sticks and honestly, that article? Offensive? Really? I don't get it.
I was raised by hippies in Richardson, back when Richardson was Plano and Plano was empty fields. So maybe it's because I know the area and I know what you mean about living somewhere that's not quite your town.
Taking unrelated quotes out of context to avoid answering serious questions, well, I would say you are unreformed.
Unless you think my comments on Islamic atrocities and jewish "Jewicide" are pertenent to why you and your liberal buddies have completely failed to provide the social safety net for kids like your daughter that you have been taxing us to death to pay for.
Rob,
Don't you find it funny how you write a heartfelt article about you and your life and EVERYBODY has to make it all about them and their causes?
Seems to me that somehow you're just a magnet for controversy.
Any way, just thought I'd let you know I liked your article, and if I lived in the Plano area, I wouldn't mind if all of my tax dollars went to Schuyler's education (I have no children and don't intend to, AND I'm a dirty leftist hippy, yet somehow I'm still contributing to the public education system. I thought being liberal make me exempt from being a contributing member of society.)
I know I'm late to this party, but if you'd done any research on PajamasMedia prior to deciding to post there, you'd likely never have followed through. The sites they tend to associate with are notorious hives of scum and villainy, and not of the heart-of-gold Han Solo variety.
I'm not remotely surprised that your POV generated such heated hatred. In their eyes, you're just another DFH bleeding heart, is my guess.
Post a Comment