March 7, 2008

"Say a little prayer for Mister Fancy Pants..."

First things first. Last week, I was interviewed by Jennifer Stayton at KUT Radio, the NPR station in Austin. Her story, "Taming a Hidden Monster", ran during Friday's Morning Edition, I believe.

I'll warn you, it's a little disconcerting. Since there's no introductory material included with the clip, it just goes right into it. Also, I'm stammering like a head injury patient, for some reason. (I recorded the interview at KERA in Dallas, so while it was live, I wasn't actually looking at the reporter, but instead was facing a big, intimidating, floofy microphone. For some reason, that made me nervous.) Other than that, I like how it turned out, especially the reading at the end. She actually got a little choked up when I read it, but that part didn't make it into the story, which I think is a pity. They also edited out the section of the reading where I got to drop a big fat F-bomb. I guess they enjoy their FCC license. Big babies.

So I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Houston, living a life of fancy pantsedness that you can probably only dream of. The glamor of a book tour is hard to describe in mere words; the empty Popeye's bag in the trash can will have to tell the tale for me. I went down to the hotel bar, but I'm staying near the airport and the collection of sad, half-buzzed businessmen didn't hold so much appeal for me as I thought it might. I reluctantly gave up the promise of that glitzy scene and came back up to my room to post for you fine people instead, because as you know, my biggest flaw? I care TOO MUCH.

I do have a traveling companion, however. Jasper 1.0 joined me on this trip, sitting smartly in the passenger seat the whole way down. Now that I've gotten accustomed to his one eye and his rough-chewed edges, I find myself becoming weirdly protective of him and his reputation. Perhaps I need to find some human friends tomorrow when I get to Austin.

I made an important decision about the Jaspers. When I get back to Plano, I'm going to come clean with Schuyler. I might even do it tomorrow morning via video conferencing, which Julie and I made work tonight, thanks to the magic of iChat. That would blow Schuyler's little mind. Julie already began explaining what happened to her earlier this evening, and she said that Schuyler seemed unconcerned. I'll show her Old Jasper and explain that he's delicate now and is going to retire up on a shelf of honor, so New Jasper is going to step in and take on his duties. Sort of like Joe and Steve on Blue's Clues, if Steve Burns had left the show due to a disfiguring accident.

Don't ask me why I feel so guilty about trying to deceive Schuyler regarding the Jaspers. I think it bothers me because I seem to have gotten away with it. I think I would feel better about it if she'd called me on my bullshit.

19 comments:

kellie said...

You will come clean on the Jaspers and she will say BOO YAH!!! I think she probably knew what was up - the new Jasper probably smelt better and felt better... She was happy to have a "jasper" and was trying to save you. I think she is that smart. I also know that my own went through the same thing and was happy to have the replacement, but even happier to know that she had fooled me. My little one missed her bear but was very happy to have a replacement and fooled me into thinking she didn't know when she did.. does any of that make sense? I didn't save the eaten bear (by a pug by the way) I wish now I had. She is six now and this happened when she was four. The other day she said she missed the "real" one.

Jim Howard said...

Pat and I are really looking forward to your signing in Austin on Sunday.

Unknown said...

awwww...


this post is kinda sad.


BTW, did you get my book? I sent it UPS. I do hope Schulyer and you were able to sign it. What a joy!

Enjoy the book tour, my friend.

Jasper lives.

Robert Hudson said...

BTW, did you get my book?

I did! It should be making its way back to you soon, if its not already.

Niksmom said...

I agree with Kellie; Schuyler knows and is a smart cookie. She's stringing you along!

Have fun on the fancy-pants tour!

Anonymous said...

Rob,

Stuffed animals became a huge part of our family and the only time my daughter was truly devastated was when she took one to elementary school and someone stole it.

The rest of them made many trips through the washer becoming more bedraggled by the day, and becoming, if anything, more loved.

My daughter is fully grown up now, and she still cherishes her favorite stuffed animal which has become almost unidentifiable as anything but a shredded rag.

Don't worry. It's the souls of their little friends they love.

Linda Ball said...

Hope some humans showed up in Houston at your reading. Definitely there will be humans in Austin. Or so we like to think.

Todd Wright said...

I love this post. It's almost TOO funny.

Nicole P said...

I bet she already knows... She might be trying to spare your feelings as much as you were trying to spare hers... ;)

megnar324 said...

I'm sorry! I should have invited you over to hang out with my husband while I was at my "book club" last night.

He had a similar fast food dinner. He was supposed to have dinner with a friend, but the friend didn't feel well, so he had Burger King at home with the cats instead.

I'm stocking up my car with supplies for the drive all the way out to the Town & Country B&N. I'll see you at 2!

Anonymous said...

Jasper 1.0 may be even more special to her now. My son has an entire animal sanctuary for injured toys. I don't know why, but the ones that are missing and eye or have stuffing leaking out of them or no legs or whatever are treasured and cared for forever.

moplans said...

You're signing the book?
I got my copy last night and spent all day today reading it. My daughter has a rare disorder so I related to much of your story, especially the feeling of needing the doctors and tests but hating the way they fail to capture the wonderful person that is your child.

You totally got me with the bit about the visit to Santa. I was cursing you because I didn't see that coming and was all weepy.

Hope todays glamourous tour brought better food!

Solcat said...

Just before Rymer turned five, he accidentally put his DeeDee (a stuffed Eeyore that he had had since he was a baby and for some reason christened deedee when he was old enough to talk) on a pile of stuff destined to be tossed..this stuffed animal had been lost and found several times over the years but this time my mom didnt see him and tossed the box he was in. Rymer was crushed, he still brings the first DeeDee up in a sad way but he did fall in love with the replacement (no hope in pulling a switch, this Eeyore seems to be a one of a kind and no amount of searching on ebay could find an identical one) I think Schuyler will love Jasper 2.0 but the important thing is that she still will have the first one..even mauled, she'll always hold a special place for her oldest friend.

Susan said...

Does this story remind anyone else of The Velveteen Rabbit? Rob, maybe you could get her a copy of it to go with poor Jasper?

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could show her some photos from the new book Dirty Wow Wow. Here's some online photos:
http://www.dirtywowwow.com/album/index.html

When I was about 4, my full-time babysitter threw away my favorite doll on trash day because it was looking a little old. I don't think I've quite gotten over that yet. Yep, I'm sure I haven't. I do still have my musical wind up white dog that needs a stiff ribbon to keep his neck from drooping. :)

Anonymous said...

Telling her seems the right thing to do- I agree that Schuyler is smart and sweet enough to know about the switch, be happy with Jasper 2.0, and want you to get away with it because it made you happier.

These lovely folks have a "Lovey Lost, Found, or Recreated" service that I have bookmarked against the inevitable day this tragedy hits my house.
http://plush.dirtybutter.com/blog/

Shannon said...

See you Sunday Rob. Me, my husband and the children...lookin forward to it!
-Shannon, here in Austin

Laura said...

I hope all goes well, but she's smart. She probably already knows and just thinks you're a terrific dad for getting her a replacement Jasper. And it's sweet of you to save Jasper 1.0!

Kizz said...

No disrespect to Joe who was, I'm sure, perfectly serviceable but Steve was Blue's Clues.