I don't like deleting posts, as a rule. But after sleeping on it for a night, I think yesterday's garment-rending was an overreaction. Yes, it was uncool, reading something that one kid said about Schuyler. And as her father, I can almost guarantee I'll react strongly when I feel like she's in danger, even if it's just the danger of having her feelings hurt. Truthfully, I'll probably consistently OVERreact, because I'm a dad. That's what we do. Trust me, it beats the deadbeat alternative.
Anyway, I've taken down the post, because in retrospect, it felt like I was being overly negative and was focusing on one bad experience in a school and with teachers and classmates who have been almost entirely supportive of Schuyler. One of her teachers wrote us and said that Schuyler is an almost universally beloved kid at her school. It seems now to be a little unfair to turn a spotlight on one stumble.
But I'm keeping the photo, because you can't deny that Schuyler works the purple.
19 comments:
she does work the purple and it is a fantastic photo.
as a parent, your deleted post really resonated. it is a universal truth that kids can be cruel. and just as they can be cruel they can be incredibly loving and protective. but it takes a unique and wonderful teacher to take a moment like that and turn it into a teaching truth.
I had something similar happen to me - I think it was 3rd grade. Everyone wrote positive things except for one schmuck who wrote "egghead"; I guess because I was bookish and nerdy. It ruined the whole experience for me. I wasn't thinking about all the positive words, just the ONE negative one. I can still picture the sheet of paper in my head, 30 years later. It made a big impression on my young psyche, although obviously I went on with my life! So, I think you are right to feel the way you did in the redacted post.
She's not just working the purple, she's rockin' it!:)
I hope Schuyler's last day of second grade is as delightful and wonderful as she is.
I don't think you were being overly negative at all. If you communicate what happened to Schuyler's teachers in a genuine, thoughtful way, I think this could be a lesson for the future. As a parent, I do hope you say something to them!
My own second grader has been dealing with meanness/exclusion on the playground this year. She is one of those sugary sweet girls who is friends with everyone... and out of the blue, two girls have been telling her at lunch: "You can't play with us. We're having our OWN game." Ouch.
I finally emailed the teacher, kindly, and she held a class meeting (no names were mentioned). Since then, lunch has been smoother. As a parent, I think we owe it to our children to speak up when children are cruel to each other.
Rob, I think your post was intelligent and well said.
She OWNS the purple!!!
I missed the post that you deleted, so I can't really comment. I will say that kids can be mean, no matter what the age. But kids can also be incredibly resilient, strong, and protective.
Tell your Purple Fairy that she ROCKS & we love her!
k2
There is the possibility that it was simply a statement from a 8-year old with no judgement attached, no cruelty intended. Perhaps that 8-year old had no negative connotations associated with that word, and it's only from our adult perspective that we attach the negativity to it. I'm not saying that's what happened, but there is the possibility.
Julie did send an email to Schuyler's teachers yesterday about the same time I was posting. Turns out, the teacher did catch it and found out which kid wrote it, and tried to make it into a teaching moment for him.
Rob, I think the teacher's actions were what made the post so worthwhile, overreaction or not.
I don't think the previous post was an overreaction mostly because it touched on the feelings of powerless anger that we parents feel when out kids feelings could be hurt.
I don't think that it took away from the fact the Schuyler's school experience has been good overall either.
I think every parent can relate to what you wrote yesterday.
That is a great photo of Schuyler too, she always makes a great fairy.
I'm not a parent, but I did find myself thinking about the post on my walk to work today. I was really thinking about the same thing Erica mentioned above: how easy it is to focus on the one criticism and ignore all the positive, especially when we're growing up and vulnerable. Is there any way to teach a child not to live that way, or to take the sting out of words like that? I wonder.
Gwensarah hit it on the head for me. I knew when my daughter started school how much I would hate it because the little snots would be mean to her. I know she has to learn to deal with difficult people but I swear I could knock the lights out of some of these kids! Stay strong!
It's so hard to watch them grow up and realize people can say cruel things sometimes, even if they don't mean to!
On a totally unrelated note, Schuyler kind of resembles Drew Barrymore in that picture. But much cooler than her, for sure!
Schuyler really is quite stunning . . . and extremely photogenic!!
I completely understand where you were coming from on the deleted post. As a mother of 3, the lioness comes out in me when one of my children is hurt by another child. It's hard to deal with. Your post brought tears to my eyes, and not because of what was written about her, but because someone tried to remove it. Either student or teacher...they knew that was not what represented Schuyler as much as everything else that had been written, and everything else that she is. And yes, Schuyler is COMPLETELY rockin' the purple!
I had read the redacted post and my impressions from it were not negativities towards the school, but that your protective parent drive was kicking in. It seemed like a normal response to me.
I think your little girl can work ANYTHING she puts her mind to. :-) Love the purple!
You are a proud man.. Proud of your daughter. We as parents do what we can. I think in retrospect you are allowed a little bit of Negativeness. After all you are human. But what a message you leave for your child and even the people who read your posts that you can overcome your anxieties and redirect your thoughts.
Aren't you glad that we can use everyday as a tool for our children or even someone else's.
It's really painful when kids write those things, but I wouldn't be too worried. Schuyler is resilient and part of growing up is learning that others won't always say nice things about you and how to deal with that. When I was in 8th grade there was a picture of me in the yearbook. Above my head it was clear that someone had written "gay" on the photo, then tried to erase it before scanning. I cried and cried, because it was in the yearbook forever. But you know what? That's not really an insult, and as much as it hurt then, it speaks more to the ignorance of the person who wrote it. As an adult, I look at those things and try to remember that kids are just that--kids who don't know any better, and have little perspective on how their actions affect others. They have as much growing up to do as Schuyler, and eventually (hopefully), they all will. Don't throw away the art, either. All those wonderful things that others said shouldn't be forgotten because of one downer. I know I kept my yearbook for the same reason :)
anyone subscribed to your rss can still read it. just fyi.
i learned that the hard way.
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