July 2, 2006

Schuyler's New Monster


Schuyler's New Monster
Originally uploaded by Citizen Rob.
When I get paid every month, our usual practice involves taking Schuyler out and rewarding her generally swell behavior with a trip to the toy store. She's not a terribly materialistic person, so it's not like she acts better or worse depending on how much stuff she gets. It's mostly just an excuse to go hang out in a toy store with Schuyler. Toys stores and pet stores are irresistible place to visit with her.

Tonight, Schuyler's choice came down to one of two things. One was a blue-haired Barbie with fairy wings, and believe me when I say that I am about sick to death of Barbie in her countless permutations. I don't care if she's a princess or a mermaid or a business woman or a crackwhore, her dead eyes and weird zero-gravity boobs give me the creeps. But when little girls find Barbie, and they always do, you have to decide whether to fight that losing battle or just raise your kid right and love her and hope that her self-esteem is high enough that she doesn't think that she has to grow up to be seven feet tall with giant dirigible tits to be happy.

But I digress.

The other toy she fixated on tonight was a dinosaur, from the same Fisher Price line as her others, but much cooler. No longer content to have one moving part and a single recorded snarl, this guy had glowing red eyes, a whole vocabulary of nasty sounds and a body that twisted menacingly, throwing his head back to roar when you pushed one of his scales.

It might only be a small surprise to learn that she picked the dinosaur.

I've written at length about her affinity for King Kong and dinosaurs and big scary beasts that scare most kids. Schuyler faces her own monster without flinching, and I truly believe that in her imaginary world, she goes into battle against that monster with her sword drawn and pink hair flying out Valkyrie-like from under her viking helmet, and she does so with a small army of her own monsters at her back.

As we left Toys-R-Us, she played with her new monster, watching him writhe and roar with a look of phony fear and rapt amazement. She held him up so he could see the lightning flashing in the distance and threatened other drivers with his big teeth and nasty disposition. Then she hugged him and kissed him and put him on the seat beside her, insisting that we buckle him in. Nothing staves off extinction like good common safety sense.

Now, as I write this, he is laying on the couch, covered by the blanket that she brought for him and tucked him under. I swear, he looks almost happy.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Rob,

Just wondering - any updates on Schuyler's hair colour? Does she match it to her dinosaurs by any chance?

Robert Hudson said...

It's mostly natural now, just a faint red is left. She swims every day at camp, and there are no teachers to annoy with funky hair, so we're waiting until school starts again.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful child, great hair color and cool dinosaur. Love reading your writings.

Anonymous said...

She knows she needs strength in this world, and so picks toys that have good strong teeth and loud roars to make up for her own quietness. But those nurturing instincts kick in...even dinosaurs need a nap.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing that experience with us, Rob. I've featured you at Play Library!

Toy Talk #17

See you on the dark side. ;)

Nightfall said...

"Nothing staves off extinction like good common safety sense."

That might just have to be my new 'net signature for a while, heh.

Melanie said...

I think Schuyler will be okay with Barbie -- when I was a kid, it never even occurred to me that she was shaped realistically. I mean, look at her feet -- talk about malformed. Besides, it's more likely that she'll recreate JURASSIC PARK and her newest buddy will chomp on Barbie.

Balancing Act; Jenn said...

So funny because my little one who is the same age as Schuyler, is mortified at the sight of previews for King Kong. MORTIFIED. And every time I think of brave Schuyler who isn't. Love that. Lvoe that a girl is braver than a boy..(even though he's my son) in this world, we need brave girls to turn into strong women. I think she just might turn into one. And he'll be alright too....he'll just come around later is all.
Hooray for her choosing the dino. ;<)
--Jenn

Pegkitty said...

The dinosaur should look happy, he's the luckiest dinosaur in the world!

RAWR!

Major Bedhead said...

I came across your blog recently (I can't remember how) and have been enjoying it immensely. It's really nice to see a dad blogger - you're not a very prolific breed.

And your daughter is extremely cute. I really love the pink hair. She reminds me of Drew Barrymore circa E.T.

Just thought I'd de-lurk and say hi.

How do you know I'm not Liddy Wales? said...

I love that she tucked the dinosaur into bed. :) Y'know, maybe identifies with the dinos and giant apes and such because people have trouble understanding them, too?

Anonymous said...

I, too, love your blog, (not least because my daughter looks a lot like both Drew Barrymore and Schuyler. That and I always so admire your relationship.) I wanted to post this time because your latest entry reminded me of a time when I went in my daughter's room to see her sitting in the middle of a huge setup of My Little Ponies and "regular" horses. I was impressed and said, "Oh cool, whatcha doin, are your Ponies playing with your horses?" And she replied, "No, I'm playing Warcraft. The Ponies are the Night Elves and the horses are the Orcs. They're about to battle." My jaw dropped and I laughed so hard. These girls kick some ass, don't they?

Anonymous said...

I'm sort of glad to hear I'm not the only one who held their breath a moment upon seeing that entry title. The picture reassured me, though.

Unknown said...

She is such a nurturing and protective child - definitely something she has learned from her caring parents. :)

I'm so glad she picked the dinosaur! I can't imagine her turning down something that sounds that great. :)

Amanda said...

another amazing post. i love the parallelism. so clear and observant. i also love - for so many reasons - that you used the phrase "giant dirigible tits."

grammacello said...

Hello Rob
I sure wish I was in Plano- I would love to teach Schuyler cello- it would be great for her and I adore these feisty types of kids. But maybe Canada is a bit far....sigh. Have you thought of music lessons for her? I looked it up and there is a Suzuki cello teacher in Plano...just a thought, now I have read all your archives-you are such a lovely Dad and a lovely family-and oddly, Schuyler looks somewhat like Kai, my five year old grandson in Seattle.
If you did do cello, I would love to give you a little one of the right size and keep her in small celli as she grew- I have 36 of them, LOL, 1/10 to 3/4 size.(If this is not too presumptuous to suggest)
I lost a son some 13 years ago so know something of this kind of pain- not the same, but when it's your kid...anyway,I get it.
Nice classical music de temps en temps on the site, too!
I'll be a Constant Reader now, so keep those entries coming- get in touch if you like.
Love to Schuyler and you units from Grammacello in Ontario, the Great White North, (where it has been 100+ degrees all week)

misty harley said...

I want one of those things. I can chase my own little darling around with it. What fun!!! Glad Schuyler is having fun!!