Much like myself, I suppose, it's safe to say that neither the best nor the worst that has been said about Schuyler is accurate. Schuyler isn't an angel, nor is she a pathetic misfit. She's a developing human in transition. Lately I've been more and more aware that she's leaving her little girl life behind, to be replaced soon (if it hasn't begun already) by her time in this world as a young woman. In three months, she'll become a teenager. Many of the storms that await her are driven by her disability, but some of them will simply be a result of being a teenager, in a world where teenagers strive to be anything but different, even as they struggle to find their unique place in the world.
Today we had lunch with Schuyler, at her school. She's still struggling to find her place in her seventh grade tribe, although she's made some small steps in the right direction. For now, we go to her every Friday, to her mysterious delight. (Because seriously, if my parents had ever shown up at my school to eat lunch with me, I might have ended my life with the school-provided plastic cutlery.) We bring her a burrito bowl from Chipotle, along with one for her SpEd teacher, and for half an hour we live in her world.
As she sat and looked around, finding boys to tell us about, I took out my phone and snapped a few photos. It wasn't until later that I looked at them and realized that my phone has a feature I was unaware of. It apparently has a time machine app that allows me to glimpse into the future.
Because this isn't a little girl. This is a young woman, and a father's heartbreak.
19 comments:
She has that glowing look a girl gets when she has a crush on someone. def. another reason to get up & go to school!
...and such an absolutely beautiful young woman she is, both inside and out!
She really is stunning --
Lovely photo!!! Beautiful young woman!
She is beautiful! I just love it when you happen to snap some photos and you end up with one as stunning as this one!
She is beautiful. My eight-year-old son, although non-verbal, makes it VERY clear that I am not welcome to join him for lunch. Even with a vanilla milkshake as bribery.
Just remember Rob, every young girl becomes her father's heartbreak at sometime :).
Lisa
She's beautiful, inside and out. And you are an incredible father.
She is lovely! You are entering such a bitter sweet time. The teen years break your heart while simultaneously taking your breathe away. You guys are doing the right thing. My 14 year is old is very close to us in a very healthy way. It is because of this closeness that she is able to be strong when faced with challenges.
She is simply, beautiful.
She was such a cute little girl and now she's such a beautiful young lady!
As a new blogger and a parent I was concerned just how much info I should disclose about my children. Whether or not I should even post pictures of them. It is a valid concern. By the way, she looks great. You done good.
I've been reading your blog (in its varied incarnations) for about 14 years. I started right before you announced that Julie was expecting.
Through your photographs and writing I've watched Schuyler grow. Baby, toddler, child, and now young woman. She is absolutely a human in transition, but we all are.
Thank you for sharing her childhood* with the vast and (often) rude internet. It has been a privileged to watch her grow up.
* I have to admit that sometimes I feel like your weird stalker in California. Mostly because if you and Schuyler walked past me on the street I'd recognize you immediately and probably want to shake your hands.
What Carolyn said, except it's only been about 10 years for me and I'm in NY.
What Carolyn said, except it's been about 10 years for me and I'm in NY. Your pictures of Schuyler capture so much. I'd love to see a retrospective, Schuler through the years.
Beautiful photo!
Gotta say my favorite part of this photos is that mischievous smile.
The very same thing happened to my youngest daughter this summer! At Easter I had a little round girl with hair down past her bottom, and at her half-brother's wedding in July she had completely changed shape. Then at the end of July she wanted her hair cut short and she bought her first pair of skinny jeans and all of a sudden I have a long-legged teenager!
She's my baby ... will I survive?
Schuyler has exactly that same 'young woman' look that I see when I look at my daughter. Let's try to keep up =)
(Please forgive this REALLY LONG comment.)
Oh, dear. PLEASE forgive me if I have been one to make rude or thoughtless comments. My intentions were always meant to be encouraging and helpful, but perhaps my choice of words was really awful.
That said, I can tell you that, whatever heartbreak you correctly expect to feel as your daughter grows, you will be just as quickly inspired and uplifted as you see the adult that is emerging out of the child. You will not only love her as you did when she was 6 or 7, your love will also become that of who the person she is, some little bit that reflects your good parenting, but mostly that which is just... HER, having nothing to do with you. If it's possible, I love my 17yr-old more now than I did when she was 7. I didn't love her less then, but now I love watching her just be HERSELF. There ARE hair-tearing, foot-stomping, eye-gouging moments, but they are fleeting and surpassed by the many, MANY wonderful moments.
But I must be honest, there is also doubt. Life for our teen is very clear for the next 2 years; she is a junior in high school. But the time after high school is a sort of blank. While her neuro-typcial peers are looking at colleges and considering majors and thinking about the SATs, we're still not even sure WHAT she'll be capable of doing after graduation. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we only need to take it ONE STEP AT A TIME. We're not going to cross our bridges until we come to them, and our girl will be able -- as I'm sure Schuyler will also be -- to discuss this with her parents as an equal partner in her own future. I will say that, as you have written about Schuyler, she seems to have her wits about her more than our teen does; she SEEMS to be able to "keep up" with the speed of the real world more than our daughter is able to, and if I have read it right, she will be more able to make her own post-high school choices.
I hope this is helpful and not thoughtless. I know there is some concern about her physical well-being, as in the seizures you have written about and I don't want to speak as if I don't know they are there. I just wanted to share our experiences with you of having a teenage daughter as some encouragement as well as honesty.
I hope your Chicago plans come through ASAP.
--Karina Hilton, Garland, TX
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