With less than a week to go before my media panel in New York City, it occurred to me the other day that I don't actually have a very good idea what I'm going to say. That's fine, really. I'm sure I can wing it for the most part. But the obvious question is one that I'm not sure I have an answer for. Not an answer in words, anyway.
"Why am I writing this book? Why did I write about Schuyler in the first place?"
This book isn't the dreary Tragedy Dad book I was afraid it might be when I started. I mean, obviously parts of it are, but I've managed to strike a balance between shaking my angry fists at God and telling fart stories. But if there's a theme to my book (and God, I sure hope there is), it might be best summed up by the blurb on my agent's page (minus the parts about how swell I am):
Schuyler’s Monster is a beautifully written, poignant, humorous, touching and ultimately uplifting memoir of a special needs child who teaches a man full of self-doubt how to be the father she needs. (St Martin’s Press 2008)
From the very beginning, and not just in my writing but in everything I do for Schuyler, even when I fuck up, I do what I do because her story deserves to be told. I may not be able to do everything for her, or even all that much, but I can be her advocate, and I can tell her story.
One thing I don't want this book to be is the story of her disability. I mean, of course that's what it's about; the book isn't named after Schuyler, it's named for the devil in her head. That's the reality of her life, and perhaps cynically, the reality of selling her story to a publisher and to the world.
But if I do my job correctly, the Schuyler you come to know through my writing will be the one you see above. And as difficult as her life might be, now and particularly as she gets older, I still see that Schuyler most of all on any given day of our lives.
When you can laugh like that, talking seems less important somehow.
7 comments:
That is what I love best about reading your journal/blog, the fact that even though there is much adversity in her life, there is so much more in the way of abundance. The way she is beautiful and haughty and punky.....the way she loves and the way she is loved. All those things come through when you write. And many times I am moved to tears by the way you tell her story. Can't wait for that book!
She's a beautiful kid and I bet your book will be beautiful, too.
Believe me, that's not what comes through in the writing. Mostly, when I see the pictures and read the stories, I wish I had a daughter who had a personality just like her!
You are so right. I only started reading your journal/blog about 2 years ago, but I read all of the Schuyler entries before that too. In the last year, especially, when you write about Schuyler, it's less about her monster and more about that gorgeous, laughing, "run of the mill" kid. Thanks to all of the hard work you and Julie have done on Schuyler's behalf, she is living the life she deserves to live. She's experiencing life, day in and day out, not as the broken kid or the kid with the monster in her head, but as a 6 (or is it 7?) year old girl with dreams and an infinite number of possibilities ahead of her.
Hmmm...that's a bit of a run on paragraph full of run on sentences, but there you go!
You write about Schuyler because you love her and because you can't not write about her, (because you are a writer). And because she is the cutest and so unique and so cool.
1 in 6 kids these days has some sort of developmental delay. Many people are going to relate to your story.
You're gonna knock it out of the park!
"But if I do my job correctly, the Schuyler you come to know through my writing will be the one you see above."
You already have Rob and that's what I love most about reading your family's story.
oh Rob.
this book is going to be so wonderful.
i truly just cannot wait.
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