Schuyler's upset tonight, as she has been all day, and we're not entirely sure why.
It's hard for her, I know. She doesn't express frustration with her situation very often, but sometimes she just can't say what needs to be said, even when she goes to the BBoW, and that's when she gets angry at her monster.
When she got off the bus at school, her teacher said, she was in a bad mood already. Something was wrong, that much was clear, but she wasn't able to tell them exactly what. She was able to tell them that she didn't feel well, but she was struggling to tell them exactly why.
Finally, they figured out that she had a headache. They figured it out because she told the school nurse, in her own way.
She had the nurse put a band-aid on her head.
Well, there you go. Communication.
I've seen it so many times, I've watched her work her way around communications obstacles in different ways, sometimes imaginative and sometimes crude but always effective. It's a wonder to watch, fascinating to see how her brain works.
The last story in my book takes place a couple of months ago, when we were escaping the heat at one of those little play areas at the mall. Schuyler was confronted by a mean little girl who insisted on bullying her and the other kids by constantly occupying the same space that they were trying to play in. Julie and I very intentionally stayed back to let her figure it out by herself.
The mean girl had two sisters in on the fun with her, but she did most of the bullying, calling other kids names and pushing them around. Schuyler refused to budge, however. At first she tried to just ignore the mean girls, but that only enraged them.
Two things happened that convinced us that even if it wasn't how we'd choose for her confrontations to go down, we nevertheless could see that Schuyler was going to be okay.
The first thing was the worst, and happened before we could intervene. The mean girl hit Schuyler hard, on the shoulder. Before we could stand up and go over to them or even say a word, in no more time than it took for the windup, in fact, Schuyler quite simply hit the girl right in the middle of her face. And that was it. She dispensed what she saw as justice, and that was that.
The mean girl was so surprised that for a moment she didn't say anything. Then she started yelling in Schuyler's face.
"You can't talk! You're crazy! You're STUPID!"
Schuyler looked at her for just a moment, weighed her options (which were few, particularly without her BBoW), then leaned into the girl's face, her fists balled at her side, opened her mouth and howled like an animal. The girl was so shocked that she just walked away.
I'd like it to be different. I'd love for things to be any way other than this. But I suppose Schuyler doesn't have time for sentimentality or best practices or whatever. She's a sweet kid and the most loving human being I have ever known, in a world where frankly, love is almost always suspect.
But when she has to be, she's also the best pragmatist I know. Sometimes, all you get is a howl. I see that and I rage against the injustice. Schuyler sees it, and she howls, without hesitation. I'm proud of her for that.
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One quick note, while I'm jabbering away.
Because I am generally agreeable to being thought of as swell, I thought I'd share something an old friend of mine wrote about me. It's actually been a few years since I've spoken to Sari. She disappeared for a long time and so I assumed she'd joined some radical lesbian terrorist group. (I'm not sure whether I'm glad or sorry that she didn't.) She's one of those friends with whom the bonds are there and just waiting to be picked back up like no time at all has passed. I'm glad she's back.
Anyway, thank you, Sari. I like that she calls me "the last of the true gentlemen on earth". It almost makes up for that photo. Look how fat I was back then. Man.
27 comments:
Good for her; she was channeling Kong, or Godzilla, or her own fierce monster. Amazing girl. (Can't you just picture Schuyler as a superhero? Maybe your book could have a few snippets of graphic novel/comic book drawings, with Schuyler fighting her monster & the creeps like that kid at the mall...Jodi Picoult did something like that in her last novel, The Tenth Circle.)
Good luck with the book. Hope St. Martin's assigns you a great publicist.
Oh man, that just rips my heart. So many times we've gone through stuff like that with Jade. The hardest thing in the world is to let them work it out for themselves.
Good for her; she was channeling Kong, or Godzilla, or her own fierce monster. Amazing girl. (Can't you just picture Schuyler as a superhero? Maybe your book could have a few snippets of graphic novel/comic book drawings, with Schuyler fighting her monster & the creeps like that kid at the mall...Jodi Picoult did something like that in her last novel, The Tenth Circle.)
Good luck with the book. Hope St. Martin's assigns you a great publicist.
Was the other girl's caretaker there, at all? Man, I would have given them a piece of my mind ... what kinds of values are people imbuing in their kids these days??? Of course, we all know that such kids grow up to be Republicans.
I'm glad Schuyler worked this out in her own way, but man, I admire you for your cool.
People (even little kids) can be real assholes sometimes.
Well done Schuyler, you show them the monster works for you so look out!
I in the meantime am off to find the parents of that nasty little kid and have a few words....
"leaned into the girl's face, her fists balled at her side, opened her mouth and howled like an animal"
Soooooo many times when I wished I could do that...
Schuyler Rummel-Hudson: Changing the World, One DamFool at a Time.
My word, my word. She will indeed grow up to be Chrissie-Hynde-Meets-Godzilla, and the world will be a magnificent place as a result.
Rum-Huds, I'll have you know I just hugged the stuffing out of my Mac because I can't reach out and hug y'all. Please accept *****this***** as some miniscule measure of my pride, joy, rage and encouragement on y'all's behalf. Y'all and my niece give me faith in humans again, every day.
I absolutely think that was atrocious, and for the record Verbalicon, I'm a republican. My children would never behave like that bully girl and if they had, they would have promptly been made to apologize and have been removed from the play area. Please don't profile all republicans based on the ones you see on tv.
Dear schuyler:
I think I've had days where your method of handling rotten people would have been far more perfect than anything I could think up.
You rock, kid.
Schuyler's doing better than most of us. Ain't nothing to worry about there.
Everyone who reads this will walk away with many thoughts, feelings and emotions; as it should be. The one thing over all else, besides the obvious stuff (Schuyler is strong and brave and will NEVER cower to anyone)is that you have the best job in the world and you are doing it perfectly. In all that you do and say and your perspective on it all, it shows that you are the perfect Father for her. You are right exactly where you were meant to be. So be mad, get ticked, and YOU even howl at the moon, but know at the end of the day, you're there for her, she's there for you (and Julie too) but no one else, not one other soul, even those who know you the best, truly know what it's like to be in your shoes. I personally think it'd be great to be you in your position. You know love. She is love. Just like it's great to be me and have my kids. It's the same thing. No one else can know.
So savor every detail and be there for every moment; just like you are. Nothing else could be better.
Those are my (probably) somewhat twisted thoughts on it all.
And sorry I always write alot :) I don't comment all the time but when I do, I guess it's all saved up (plus I tend to overstate the obvious)......what can you do? You can't take the you out of you.
Ouch. I have a bad sore throat today and it just plain hurts to talk. This post made me tear up. So glad you are letting Schuyler be herself, even when it includes howling, a much underrated form of communication.
I'm surprised - and happy - that this post did not draw the maelstrom of commenters opining that Schuyler's a bully whose ass needs kicking, etc. I thought it was brave of you to write this, Rob. --victoria_pond@yahoo.com
Good for you, Rob, for stepping back and letting your daughter handle this. I know that must be difficult not to step in and solve her problems for her, but she proved to both you and herself that she is capable of handling the world's tyrants better than most! She seems beautiful inside and out--whatever you are doing as a parent, keep doing it:)
For the record, I hope she left a huge mark on that other girl's face ;)
Angie, well said! I was *almost* as appalled at verbalicon's post as I was at the bully. I, too, am a Republican, who will never allow her children to behave that way, and will never allow her children to make the snap judgements against others, such as "progressive" verbalicon did in these comments.
I'm fairly certain that Schuyler is now my hero.
[b]verbalicon[/b] opines:
" Man, I would have given them a piece of my mind ... what kinds of values are people imbuing in their kids these days??? Of course, we all know that such kids grow up to be Republicans."
Sadly, with such broad, sweeping, prejudiced generalizations such as this, [b]verbalicon[/b] merely lowers him or herself to the level of those he or she would "give a piece of my mind" to.
Donna said....
Did you find out what it was that she was bugged about? Was it just a headache?
It has got to be so frustrating not to have the words to things, like a stranger in a strange land, and to her, I bet alot of us are strange. I've got words and people are strange to me most of the time. And not always in a good way.
I imagine the howl was the Schuyler equivilant of "get your paws off me you damn dirty ape!"
Band-aid on the head for a headache...cute idea and a great way of communicating what's wrong.
My Cassidy Sounds alot like Schuyler. She is 3 and was diagnosed in August of 2003. It is painful for me to see children stare at her or say things about her. Even parents untactfullt stare at her. I fear for the days that she is teased or pushed around. She can't talk, walk, or eat. When she is in pain I am too, ven thought I do not always know what is wrong with her. Sometimes when the frustration gets to be too much for her it is almost like she throws her hands up and says "Fuck it. It's not worth the trouble". But I know that she is smart and that she is clearly in there and she has a bright beautiful personality and that makes it all worth it. I can not wait for your book to come out and gain strength from reading about Schuyler. Thanks. Jeana
She did a powerful and effective thing when she howled, or roared. During some martial arts moves, using voice to channel "ki" is an integral part of self-defence. It throws the attacker off balance, and shocks them. Schuyler knows quite instinctively how to handle bullies, I'd say. Bravo!
You know, I hate that Schuyler has to deal with all of this. But she deals with it in a damn fine way. Good for her.
Hope y'all figured out what was bothering her.
Wait, the 'ch' sounds like 'k'? Crap. I don't know if I can correct my mental pronunciation at this late date.
Ouch!
Completely off topic, Rob, but holy crap! You made a mention in my local Sunday paper, the Winnipeg Free Press, of all things. How about that.
"Blogger Robert Rummel-Hudson has landed a book deal based on his blog, 'Beloved Monster and Me' (belovedmonsterandme.blogspot.com), a chronicle of life with his daughter, now seven, who has an extremely rare neurological disorder. His memoir, 'Schuyler's Monster', will be published by St. Martin's Press in the Winter of 2008, Publisher's Weekly reports.
I almost missed it, too, because I usually don't read the Books section. I caught your name out of the corner of my eye as I was folding the paper.
So, if you suddenly get a lot of hits from Winnipeg, that's probably why. ;-)
Wow, that is very cool. I had no idea! I'm going to be HUGE in Winnipeg, I can already tell.
Maybe S cannot talk but she is one dam smart kid and I am all for pragmatism!
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