Halloween 2008
Sometimes, even in the midst of our fun, I catch a moment on camera that I don't even really notice until I'm looking at the photos later. For just a second, the camera catches Schuyler in what appears to be a moment of melancholy, and for that instant, I wonder if she and I share some of the sadness, even though I try to take it away from her and make it all my own.
If she does feel any of that sadness (and sometimes I think, "How could she not?"), it's fleeting. In a lot of ways we are the same, she and I. We both feel sadness sometimes, and we both internalize it almost completely.
But she deals with it better, I think, puts it away faster and buries it deeper, smothers it with her love without limits, her unconditional love, her love without fear. In that way, Schuyler is free. It's one of the many things she still has to teach me.
My beloved monster and me
We go everywhere together
Wearing a raincoat that has four sleeves
Gets us through all kinds of weather
She will always be the only thing
That comes between me and the awful sting
That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean
-- Eels
The thing that strikes me the most about you and Schuyler, is how much you love her. It hit me when I read your book. There are some fathers who have such an amazing relationship with their daughters (I'm married to one). You were lucky to find each other. I hope that makes sense. I hope that you had a wonderful time trick or treating.
ReplyDeleteWhen we don a costume, we sometimes lose ourselves. Here Schuyler comes back to us through the make believe and is a genuine human child, pensive and yet maybe not really sad. Or she's just pondering her immense power as a she-devil.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wickedly awesome picture...and post. Wow.
ReplyDeleteYou see melancholy, I see beauty.
ReplyDeleteShe is an absolutely beautiful child.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous.
ReplyDeleteThat's one beautiful photo.
ReplyDeleteI think every child experiences moments of melancholy...along with a mixture of other things. I know that, sometimes, I tend to read too much into my son's moods and behaviors based on *my* filters.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, the photo...WOW. Such a provocative image. The littel girl and the promise of exquisite and dangerous beauty as she ages. But for now, just a glorious little she-devil!
That's a beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteWonderful, wonderful picture.
ReplyDeleteWould you have let Schuyler dress as an angel?
ReplyDeleteWould you have let Schuyler dress as an angel?
ReplyDeleteWhy wouldn't I?
She takes my breath away.
ReplyDeleteShe always has.
I like "Pensive Devil", but I think "Squinchy Devil" is my favorite--it's so playful.
ReplyDeleteBut squinchy or pensive, she is a gorgeous girl!
Sue
What a gorgeous girl Schuyler is, melancholy or laughing. I think you're so lucky to have each other.
ReplyDeletewow. what a beautiful picture of schuyler. but you know, when i saw it, i didn't see "sadness", i saw more a look of introspection. either way, she's a beautiful girl, inside and out, and very lucky to have you for a dad to help her through the times when that sadness comes about.
ReplyDeleteI've always loved your writing most when you write about how you see Schuyler. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you don't shine the light on her...you allow the rest of us to see the light that shines FROM her.
ReplyDeleteThe picture is beautiful, and so is Schuyler.
ReplyDeleteThat is a gorgeous photo. I would imagine it's hard to take a bad picture of that child, though - she is lovely.
ReplyDeleteShe looks more thoughtful than melancholy to me. Or perhaps she's just contemplating candy. I get that way when I think about chocolate....
Awesome picture. I hope you guys had a wonderful time.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree, the way you write about Schuyler is always right on, and with more clarity and emotion than many people write are able to about themselves. Then again, maybe that's exactly the beauty of it.
She becomes more Julie-esque every time I see a picture of her.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, I'm not talkin' 'bout the horns :-)
Such a beautiful child!
ReplyDeleteMB
Gorgeous, GORGEOUS photograph.
ReplyDeleteIf you go back and read my old comments, you'll see that despite the whining accusations of some from time to time, I do not in fact delete comments from people just because they disagree with me or even engage in jackass behavior. Sometimes, often even, they are the most interesting part of the comments.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few reasons I WILL delete comments. Just so everyone knows. Here are two such reasons:
1) If you post medical "advice" that is irresponsible,
2) You irritate me to the extreme point that I delete you simply out of spite.
I think our little experiment in anonymous posting might be drawing to a close.