January 28, 2012

A Different Drummer

Earlier this week, Schuyler and I went down to San Antonio to see our dear friends Jim and Kim, Schuyler's godparents. (Or whatever we agnostic heathens are supposed to call the folks who will take up the feeding and watering of our kid if Julie and I murder each other or get eaten by a sasquatch one day.) I was going in order to work with Jim's trombone class, and Schuyler was along for the ride. She got to see two of her favorite people in the world, and she got to miss two days of school, so it was a solid win for her. It was also an opportunity for Schuyler to get in a percussion lesson with a member of Jim's talented staff, sneaking in some actual learning amongst all the fun truancy.

Schuyler has to work hard in band, but she's staying on top of it. Her band director here in Plano continues to be fantastic. She strikes the perfect balance between accommodating Schuyler enough to keep things realistic for her and at the same time challenging her with a meaningful band experience. I've already shared Schuyler's previous concert experience, with her kind and only slightly narcissistic permission. (I know, she comes by it honestly.) Her next performance is coming up next week, and she will again be playing a multitude of instruments, including crash cymbals, the bass drum (her favorite, by a long shot) and the marimba. That last one is still quite challenging for her, requiring as it does for her to read music, a skill that she's working on and slowly improving upon. Her band director spent some of her no doubt valuable time rewriting a very difficult part for Schuyler to make it more manageable, but it's still hard enough to require a good amount of work. The challenge frustrates Schuyler, but it is also very good for her.

Schuyler spent most of the day in San Antonio observing the bands, including watching her father play, which I believe surprised her; I think in her eyes, I was like Atticus Finch shooting the rabid dog in the street. More importantly for her, Schuyler watched the other kids. They were mostly older than her, but only by a few years, and the music they were playing was harder but not drastically so. She saw how they worked together, and how they helped each other. In short, she saw how they behaved as a community, as friends working together to create something special while having fun doing so. (Disability community, take note.)

When Schuyler took her lesson, I took a few photos and then hid in the back for most of it. I eventually left the room so I wouldn't be "that parent", although honestly, I should have left them alone the whole time. (Well, what are you gonna do?) What I saw when they began was what I've observed countless times before. There was a bit of initial confusion on the part of her new teacher on how exactly to approach Schuyler, but then subtle adjustments as Schuyler showed him how she could focus and work.

Schuyler is good about teaching her teachers how to teach her, if that makes any sense. In circumstances like this, Schuyler's disability comes to the front, but she's also very quick to show that it doesn't get to call the shots. Teaching Schuyler isn't like teaching anyone else, and the good teachers recognize this but don't let it scare them off or cause them to give up on her. This was one of the good ones. She's been fortunate this year in that most of her teachers have been willing to do the work to break into Schuyler's world.

Schuyler presents as neurotypical most of the time, but only on the surface and rarely for long. Her differentness can take people by surprise, and I confess that I judge those people, often unfairly, by how they respond to that surprise. But as she embraces her new role as a percussionist in her school band, I see for Schuyler a path forward, and a way to make her way in the world on terms that are very much of her own making.

Everyone claims to value the act of marching to the beat of a different drummer, which suggests a need for that different drummer. Schuyler's got you covered.

6 comments:

  1. I have a boy your daughter's age...and another son who is 7.

    Loved your entire post. I don't really have anything to add to your comments, only it was nice she could accompany you and get in a private lesson, such a special opportunity.

    But I do have to say that most of the time I am fine living in my house full of testosterone and seven year old baby testosterone, looking at the pictures of your daughter in that cute outfit gave me just a few seconds of pause thinking...maybe it might have been nice to have a girl if I could dress her in (or watch her select) cute clothes like that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My autistic son started piano lessons a couple of weeks ago. The teacher does use a few too many words and I do have to redirect him to listen to her instead of playing at times. I do have to hold his arms to keep both hands on the keyboard... Oh, wait... those "normal" kids do that too :)

    But, he does enjoy it. And FWIW... he's doing VERY well and we're expecting more stickers in our "normal" piano book next week.

    Amazing what our kids can do when someone believes that they can do anything. I do admit that when I approached the group that does the lessons I was expecting that deer in the headlights look and never got it.... which is why I decided right then and there it was going to be worth the $18/wk.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tell Schuyler (if she doesn't already know), that Sousa considered the bass drum player the most important member of his band. According to the esteemed Richard Floyd, under whom I played for many years, the bass drum player was the highest-paid member of Sousa's band.

    ReplyDelete
  4. As a band geek who specialized in the marimba and crash cymbals, as well as a Schuyler fan since the Grub to Chub/Darn' Tootin' days, these band posts make so happy.... Go, Schuyler, go!

    ReplyDelete
  5. As an unreformed band geek, I love hearing about what Schuyler's up to in band. The videos are great!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Everyone claims to value the act of marching to the beat of a different drummer, which suggests a need for that different drummer. Schuyler's got you covered."

    Pure gold.

    ReplyDelete