Oh yeah. That's the conversation we've been having. This one I've left mostly to Julie.
You might remember that Schuyler has two monsters that she loves above all her others (with King Kong being the possible exception). They are from Star Wars, known in nerdspeak as "rancors", although if you are Schuyler, they are Sam and Margaret. (She asked me to name the second one; readers of my book will enjoy my choice.) I think she believes they are Cloverfield monsters, but now they've become her friends. And, as she was careful to note, they don't eat their friends. (Everyone else is presumably screwed.)
Sam and Margaret have been boyfriend and girlfriend for a while, but recently, Schuyler has begun referring to them as the mommy monster and the daddy monster. And of course, she keeps asking if Margaret has a baby monster in her tummy.
Um.
I wasn't sure how to deal with this; she's not even nine yet. But it seems really important to her, and so I've been trying to come up with something. And the thing is, I know that just about any bug-eyed monster toy would do. But as much of a slob as I can be in just about every aspect of my life, I am weirdly OCD when it comes to Schuyler. I have Issues.
Well, thanks to a line of Star Wars toys aimed at younger kids (although, perhaps predictably, coveted by thirtysomething Mom's-basement-dwellers who are making it hard to find except on eBay, ouch ouch ouch), a perfect answer presented itself.
If I can find one, I do believe I may have found Baby Monster.
Just wait til you find her putting two toys together to imitate some weird nine-year-old version of sex. Ah, fond memories:
ReplyDeleteMom:What are you doing?
Me: They're wrestling!
Mom:...don't play with those dolls anymore.
I'm sitting here thinking that 9 is rather late for these questions, but then, Schuyler doesn't have any younger siblings and that probably makes a difference.
ReplyDeleteMy older niece has known that babies grow inside tummies (we now use the word womb after she made it clear to us that she thought one has to be cooked and eaten to be born!) ever since her mother was last pregnant, when she was two and a half.
When her sister was 18 months it occurred to Ana to ask, out of the blue, how exactly babies get *out* of the womb. (Which I answered directly. I almost instinctively said "I don't know", but that's silly, I certainly *do* know!)
Ana is five now. She's lately asked how babies get *in* in the first place. We've explained that babies don't get put in the womb, they *grow* there, and that Daddies have to help. She hasn't asked for more information yet, but I know it's going to come before nine.
Honestly, you got away with it for 8 years, that is a long time! Once my daughter when she was four (FOUR!) asked how babies got IN the tummy (she knew her baby brother was at one time in my tummy) and I about dropped my wooden spoon I was using to stir our dinner.
ReplyDeleteI gave her the first answer that came to mind which was "Who wants ice cream?!?!?" in a thin, shaky voice. She had ice cream for dinner, and I dodged that bullet.
I'm a big ole wuss I know. I always said I would give age appropriate answers, and never NOT answer, but oh my God, I just couldn't do it!
You are lucky to have put off THE TALK for so long. Four year olds are notorious for being obsessed with sex and death. I handled the death talk okay, but the sex talk with my four year old was AWFUL. And he keeps asking questions. At Target. In a really loud voice. Give her the straight answer. She should hear it from you, rather than on the playground.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I'm reminded of Ghostbusters; either way, awesome!
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I got the complete Talk at about age four because my mother was pregnant; they even let me name my baby brother (presumably my first choice was not Stupidhead). When I was six, a friend asked something related to where babies come from... I told her in some detail! When asked where I got all that information, apparently I said, "You told me, Mommy."
Alternately, since she can read, take the easy way out and get her a book!
What Corinn said about a book was really smart. There are a lot of good, anatomically correct, honest books out there. And for whenever you hit the puberty talk, I'm a huge fan of American Girl's The Care and Keeping of You http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/dp/1562476661
ReplyDeleteMy kids marry their stuffed animals all the time which leads to some interesting inter-species breeding. We have a "Kid's First Body Encyclopedia" that explains how babies are made and when the question was asked, we got out the book and went through the pictures. They've never asked again...
ReplyDeleteGood luck...she's growing up into a beautiful, creative young lady!
My nine year old is now coming up with questions but when I ask him what he thinks happens .... he tells me that it is all about kissing. (keep on believing that) I am not convinced that 9 is old enough to understand about the "birds and the bees". Ask Schuyler what she thinks happens, she will let you know when she is ready to know everything.
ReplyDelete"Four year olds are notorious for being obsessed with sex and death"
ReplyDeleteDamn straight. Round here, when it's not "Where do babies come from" and "Marriage is yucky love kisses" it's all "Will I die? Will you die? Does everybody die? Why do people die? What happens when you die? I'll shoot you till you're dead! I'm dead now! Dead, dead, dead! Whoops, now I'm a zombie! Do you miss your daddy? Is he dead? When is your grandmother gonna die already? She's old. Old people die."
I agree with Phoebe. The American Girl book, "The Care & Keeping of You" is a great book. . .for alot of "girl into woman" issues. Both of my girls read it and kept it for quite a while. It was a great springboard for us to some very good conversations.
ReplyDeleteI remember someone telling me that my kids were going to get the info from SOMEBODY. . .better it be accurate from us rather than who knows what from their friends at school.. .they get enough of that anyway!
I remember I went through some kind of weird obsessive state about pregnancy and birth when I was seven; I was always "the pregnant lady" or "the lady having the baby" when we were playing house or whatever. I think that's just how kids process information that weirds them out on some level, is by playing it a lot.
ReplyDeleteBut that was dealing with pregnancy. I processed the actual SEX part very differently -- but...that's because I came up with my own theory. Um. See, my mother had made me watch an Afterschool special about a kid whose mother was pregnant, and the only way they addressed the conception issue is by saying that there are sperm cells from the daddy and egg cells from the mommy and the two combine to start the baby. It wasn't until an hour later that I thought, "but, wait, how do those cells get from the daddy TO the mommy?"
Except instead of asking my parents, I thought about it for a few seconds and came up with my own answer: that the hopeful parents exchanged underwear for a day. It made sense to me so I just shrugged and accepted it. And so for an entire year I was walking around with the belief in my head that the sex act involved transvestism until I came across a child's "Where did I come from" book that had a line drawing of a couple in an embrace, and I just thought, "ohhhh, okay." And that was that.
Oh, I just read this today which you might find a bit amusing: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4804594.ece
ReplyDeleteJessica is THE Girl. That's how it should be. They know the basics but not about the hawt, steamy sex it can/should involve. That can wait :)
Oh darn, seems the link was cut off.
ReplyDeleteCopy & paste this together
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/
tol/life_and_style/women/
families/article4804594.ece
Um. Wow. Good luck with that one. I think you dodged the bullet for a few years, really. But that might make it harder to give her a sugar-coated PG answer. I like the book idea. But then, I'm kind of a wuss about those kinds of things.
ReplyDeleteI think it's cute that she's asking! I'm sure you guys don't, hehe. But it's still cool to see how curious kids get about life. It's awesome.
ReplyDeleteI used to pretend I was pregnant a lot when I was like 7 and 8, and thought that babies magically came out of your belly button. If Santa can fit in tiny chimneys, surely babies can fit through belly buttons. Made sense to me!
My parents tried not to give me too much info and the info they did give satisfied me for a while.
Me: Oh, an egg? Okay!
Parents: Whew!
Later, when I was 12 and finally wanted to know about sex, I remembered my parents' advice whenever I wanted to know more about something. "Just look it up." Thanks to my encyclopedias, I finally got the real scoop!
So yes, I definitely echo the book recommendation, because that was pretty helpful, but if you don't want to explain all the details for a while, I think you're pretty safe.
For Rymer it came in stages..he's known that babies live in the tummy for awhile (and since he was a c-section baby, knew he came out of an incision, it would be a few more years before he asked how other babies come out) but showed no interest in how they got into the tummy in the first place until about two years ago. He's given me his own cues on just how much info to give him, I figure Schuyler will do the same for you and Julie :)
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me still laugh is the three year old Rymer's belief that babies came from a Baby Store, he'd see commercials for diapers or other baby products and thought they were advertising babies.
You could have done it the same way I did, I was about 4 and could not sleep one night, when I walked in to my parents bedroom the question was not Mommy, can I have a glass of milk?" It was "Daddy, what are you doing to Mommy?" I was a so so reader at the time so the books came out the next day.
ReplyDeleteI also recommend the Care and Keeping of You. I gave it to my ten year old and she refers to it often. It's a great way to deal with puberty (you know you're not too far away from that, right?:). My advice is to be as direct and honest as she can handle. My mom never felt comfortable talking to me about sex, so all my info came from an encyclopedia. Trust me, an encyclopedia does not prepare you to navigate the world of teen slang. Good luck. My husband is having a hard time with his little girl/best bud turning into a "tween." I'm sure he feels your pain.
ReplyDeleteBaby monsters can be problematic. I remember seeing a horror movie sometime in the early eighties in which a human woman gave birth to a monster (the Jersey Devil possibly?) and it proceeded to slaughter her as well as the doctors and nurses in the delivery room before flying out through the ceiling (maybe a skylight was involved here) and putting a serious hurt on the entire city.
ReplyDeleteThe monster's father was not identified. I strongly suspect Dick Cheney.
Monsters plus obstetrics. I think Schuyler would would like that movie A LOT.
My seven year old niece started asking soon after her stepmom got pregnant. When she was told the baby was growing in D's tummy - she said "Like the tumors that Nana had?"
ReplyDeleteMy poor brother got a noseful of milk and my poor sister-in-law was left with the explaining...
Did you win?
I tell my 2 1/2 year old the correct medical terms and explanations for any questions she has regarding body parts and processes. She may not understand the answers fully yet, but at least I know she's got the right information.
ReplyDeleteSo far I've gotten off easy in the question department but I figure if I don't make a big deal of the answers when she does get around to asking, then she won't get freaked out by them. When she's older I'll have a book or two handy on a low shelf for when she doesn't want to ask me something directly.