Do you remember in the scary and tumultuous days following September 11, 2001, when news sites like CNN.com were so busy that the servers were overloaded? The amount of information being presented was constant, it seemed, and rapidly changing. It felt as if the world we'd known before would never return.
This morning, less than a week before the sixth anniversary of the attack, CNN.com is linking to a story from an Orlando affiliate about a new, vicious attack on innocent, God-fearing Americans.
Squirrel Attacks At Day Care
I think it is important to read between the lines here, incidentally. When a child is bitten nine times by a tiny rodent, that is a child that is grabbing said rodent.
Anyway, my favorite line, the one that made me feel like despite it all, we're all going to be okay in this grand rough world, is the last one:
"None of the injuries seem to be life-threatening, officials said."
Thank God. When squirrels kill Americans, the terrorists win.
-----
BREAKING NEWS: In the time it took to post this entry, they've updated the story. It is now a story about a three-year-old HOSPITALIZED because of the squirrel attack. Not so amusing now, I suppose. Apparently he was on a swing when the attack came, from a squirrel so nasty and cruel and unrelenting that it even took on a Florida Highway Patrol trooper.
So my apologies if it seems that I am not giving this scary squirrel attack the gravitas that it deserves.
Although I wouldn't be me if I didn't point out the NEW, equally delightful last line:
"The squirrel in the playground attack managed to escape."
So, you know, be vigilant, citizens.
Maybe it's a Florida thing?
ReplyDeletehttp://blog.sportscolumn.com/story/2007/5/30/104123/959/
Squirrels are just plain nuts (although I prefer salty).
ReplyDeleteMy husband was at a baseball game with Brendon and out of nowhere, a squirrel landed on his arm, skittered about and ran off.
There was absolutely no place this squirrel could've climbed up to jump from.
The big story on 9/10/2001 was shark attacks in Flordia.
ReplyDeleteMakes you think.
WEIRD! you know that poor kid, is gonna have the hugest phobia of squirrels, and tell people I got bit before! and everyone will be like, "yeah... sure ya did ..cough,(crazy)"
ReplyDeleteRabies.
ReplyDeleteI saw a squirrel do this once to a dog. Basically just jumped out of a tree and latched onto a dog with its tiny hands and bit the dog over and over again.
I hope the child is ok. This could be very serious.
According to the CDC, the risk of rabies from rodents is very, very small.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the danger of future development of sciurophobia (yes, the fear of squirrels) is a greater risk. And nobody wants to go through life being afraid of squirrels.
Come on, Rob, haven't you heard about the Iranian spy squirrels? Terror is everywhere!
ReplyDeleteIf one comes near my daughter, I'll be forced to yell, "STAY AWAY FROM HER, YOU SQUIRREL BITCH!"
ReplyDeleteomar, those playground mothers might not take too kindly to being called squirrel bitches. I'm just warnin' you. wear a cup.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a problem in the San Francisco Bay Area, too -- squirrels that come to depend on humans for food seek it in ways we might not like.
ReplyDeleteOh god, that above post was from me. I can't believe I just outted myself as wii-vangalist, writer of Wii reviews on your blog, Rob. I'm so ashamed.
ReplyDeleteOnly in Florida...only in Florida.
ReplyDeleteHospitalization or no, stories about squirrels are always awesome. If my own kid was the one attacked, yes, I'd be distraught but less than a day later I'd be going "Hey! Remember that time? When you were attacked by a SQUIRREL? That was so funny."
ReplyDeleteWhy does it seem most of the most bizarre dingo-ate-my-baby animal stories are from Florida?
ReplyDeleteAlso, nutter squirrels. Hee.
If you liked that, you might enjoy this: http://www.bikersweb.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=8657
ReplyDelete