tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post8833269071966513654..comments2023-10-21T06:18:41.537-05:00Comments on Fighting Monsters with Rubber Swords: Just a word.Robert Hudsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15462451435441751837noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-25104967207280915772015-03-04T13:49:27.006-06:002015-03-04T13:49:27.006-06:00Well written, heartfelt post. It seems it can'...Well written, heartfelt post. It seems it can't be that many years, but as my son is now 26, it has been some time, and yet still hard to write the following. My wonderful son was born with Down syndrome, and although that is a part of him, it is truly so minor and never, ever defines him as a person. At the moment of his birth, when my wife and I had just endured 12 hours of labor [well, men don't 'endure' at least in the physical sense], when we were just wanting to hold our new born son, the doctor [will always use the lower case spelling in this particular instance] told us, as we asked if everything was alright, that our son was "mongoloid". That was the first instance that I knew simply because someone was educated, didn't indicate any possession of compassion or sense of respect for how words can be perceived as hurtful weapons. Since then I started correcting those around me, to use a "person first" approach to language, to the concept that labels are not only unnecessary, but limiting and how the use of the r-word says far more about the lack of character of the user of that word than anything they might be hoping to communicate with the offhand dispensing of that word. Now, I am still highly sensitive to any use of that word, but less concerned about speaking up to strangers, drawing attention to how inappropriate and hurtful it is to use it and how they can show some real character by altering their mindset. Knowing many people with intellectual challenges through coaching with Special Olympics, where I had the opportunity to lobby Canadian members of parliament on their behalf, learning more about myself, my son's community and the kind of world I want to live in, this kind of societal change is more than worthy of our efforts and the willingness of those I ask to pledge to change their thought processes around the r-word. Thank you again for this posting - count me as a fan.Kurc Buzdeganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07297158610453799861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-16539211005489506842013-03-05T10:00:24.263-06:002013-03-05T10:00:24.263-06:00I like to think of myself as a smart and well educ...I like to think of myself as a smart and well educated and open person. You humbled me. Thank youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-5399226048017583652012-06-16T16:26:22.217-05:002012-06-16T16:26:22.217-05:00When I was 9 or 10, I was walking home from a birt...When I was 9 or 10, I was walking home from a birthday party with a friend. We had been given extra cupcakes to take with us, the "seconds": the ones that weren't perky and fluffy and perfect. We started laughing about them and decided that they were appropriately named "retarded." I walked into the house we were sharing with my grandparents at the time and I yelled, "Hey, Mom! Look at this cupcake! It's RETARDED! HAHAHAHA!" Well, my mother's youngest brother has severe Fragile-X Syndrome, but we didn't know that, then. Back then, he was "mentally retarded," with no subtitles or further explanation of his real condition. Well, let me tell you, I got as harsh a talking-to as I ever received in my life and rightly so. I've NEVER used it since, certainly not as an insult and rarely as a description of someone's cognitive abilities. We don't have to use it much anymore in clinical use either, thank goodness. So many conditions now have genuine, specific and descriptive names that really mean something. In fact, had our own daughter and her friends been born just 15 - 20 years earlier, they would all have been labeled as being mentally retarded of varying degrees. Nowadays, with all kinds of cool and nifty special education programs, these kids are all graduating from high school, something that would never have even been a consideration just a few years ago.<br /><br />-- karhill54Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09879209766689225872noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-314201685859875702012-03-11T13:56:05.393-05:002012-03-11T13:56:05.393-05:00I often search for the right words to express my t...I often search for the right words to express my thoughts on the word RETARD but never have I been able to fully make my point. Thank you for your thoughts. I truly agreen with you 100%.<br /><br />Jennifer Andrick<br />Mom to Allie who has Down syndromeJenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12344015118079660238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-55330149007410367832012-03-09T16:47:20.468-06:002012-03-09T16:47:20.468-06:00Wow. That was so well said. Obviously I'm no...Wow. That was so well said. Obviously I'm not adding anything new or special to the conversation here, but I just couldn't help myself.<br /><br />Thank you.BCChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02576498419220849458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-68142523321444988942012-03-07T20:05:40.373-06:002012-03-07T20:05:40.373-06:00Rob, this is really powerful and convincing. Naysa...Rob, this is really powerful and convincing. Naysayers like to claim that there's no reason to focus on a word, that instead we should be helping people to generally accept our kids (and those are the NICE comments). OK THEN, I'll just load up my Come On People, Love One Another app, click and make it happen! Speaking out about a hurtful word doesn't mean we think it's actually going to disappear. It's raising conscientiousness, and it's starting a conversation. Like you've done here. Bravo. Now, if we could just reach the teens... They are among the worst offenders of using the word.Ellen Seidmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433429847255621203noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-68947971753024872642012-01-08T23:14:29.290-06:002012-01-08T23:14:29.290-06:00Funny thing about all this...it's children who...Funny thing about all this...it's children who are accepting of most any differences between themselves and another being up until the grownups in their lives teach them to react otherwise. Amanda says it's organized religion that teaches tolerance, but I whole-heartedly disagree. The most truly 'tolerant' folks I've encountered may have a religious upbringing, but have at some point fallen away from the 'church' and are now agnostic/atheist. I need only look to my young children, whose outlook is untarnished toward others to see that so far, I think I've done a pretty good job at keeping "r" words and "f" words, and "n" words out of their vocabulary. They love people equally even if they DO notice differences. HOWEVER, this is your grownup forum, and so long as you're comfortable with it, you drop those OTHER F BOMBS as much as you want.DayLeeFixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995709590593282311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-91808453008496652472012-01-08T17:39:27.982-06:002012-01-08T17:39:27.982-06:00Do you have the other half of my amulet? Very ver...Do you have the other half of my amulet? Very very well said!Seanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12535969919986881593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-43546823767462898192012-01-08T16:47:14.463-06:002012-01-08T16:47:14.463-06:00Yes. I have such a special needs-writer-advocate ...Yes. I have such a special needs-writer-advocate crush on you right now.<br /><br />-Jen, mom of Wyatt and author of Down Wit Dat<br />( http://downwitdat.blogspot.com )Psychojenichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02936930614210195529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-65466512113292932492011-10-17T10:46:44.493-05:002011-10-17T10:46:44.493-05:00I'm glad I found yhis, I am going to send it t...I'm glad I found yhis, I am going to send it to a UK comedian who has decided he can use the word 'mong'trabasackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17777401280316912577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-43640543860174901342011-10-17T10:46:25.296-05:002011-10-17T10:46:25.296-05:00I'm glad I found yhis, I am going to send it t...I'm glad I found yhis, I am going to send it to a UK comedian who has decided he can use the word 'mong'.trabasackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17777401280316912577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-74505094280410093072011-10-12T12:17:04.078-05:002011-10-12T12:17:04.078-05:00very well written & thank you :)very well written & thank you :)Danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11654814449197445720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-56818896187301433862011-09-22T17:58:58.513-05:002011-09-22T17:58:58.513-05:00I am sorry that it came across that way to you. Th...I am sorry that it came across that way to you. That it not exactly what I said anyway. What I said was: "Whether you wish that for her or not.' That means whether you want to or not yes but I think I put it pretty politely and what I meant was 'whether we share any religious beliefs or not.' I don't find that offensive and maybe you do but in all actuality I wasn't referring to you or your child anyway. <br />Why nitpick though? I get where you are coming from. But I also think that as advocates for our children who cannot always speak for themselves we owe it to them to be judicious in all we say and do. I know my son would want me to do that if he could tell me. <br />I don't tell you or anyone what to believe but I think that most organized religions teach lessons of acceptance, willingness to respect others, and harmony on earth and that is something worth listening to. Most agnostics and atheists I know still think the Bible is a pretty great story. No matter who you pray to before you go to bed or if you don't at all. Please take care and I do wish you and your family the best as you continue down the long hard road of being a special needs parent. I'm pretty sure that if nothing else we would at least agree that its worth it. <br />take care, Amandaamandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401394002260660531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-57852757903748275042011-09-22T16:22:27.617-05:002011-09-22T16:22:27.617-05:00The issue of the praying was that you said that yo...The issue of the praying was that you said that you were going to pray whether they wanted you to or not. Why add that last part? It sounds like you are being deliberately nasty. "My beliefs are so important that I don't care what you want so go screw yourself if you don't like it." That is what I read from your two sentences.Tom P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05638283790763940692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-48618153714575920202011-09-22T16:19:00.290-05:002011-09-22T16:19:00.290-05:00It's not a question of offending someone. It&...It's not a question of offending someone. It's a question of saying something that is offensive <b>about</b> someone.Tom P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05638283790763940692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-11012837513966626682011-09-22T16:16:21.206-05:002011-09-22T16:16:21.206-05:00no I wouldnt be offended if someone wanted to pray...no I wouldnt be offended if someone wanted to pray to whoever or whatever on my behalf or that of my children. I would be appreciative of the gesture same as author of the original post. Who wouldn't?<br />Demanding that someone NOT pray to God or any other deity for you or your family because it is offensive is weird. Especially if you don't share that belief anyway. What does it hurt? Like I said lets all agree to disagree. Don't you think?amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401394002260660531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-15101970879889657262011-09-22T15:29:43.977-05:002011-09-22T15:29:43.977-05:00The statement you refer to was clearly (I thought)...The statement you refer to was clearly (I thought) directed not at you but at Tom who said: <br /><br />" 'We will add your disabled child to our prayers along with our own. Whether you wish that for her or not.'<br />Talk about being offensive."<br /><br />Then I said:<br /><br />"Sorry but we don't know the same people Tom. I have a large Catholic family that I spend a lot of time with and I can't recall that I have ever heard any of them say that.<br />Not as sorry as I am though that you would find it offensive for ANY child to be prayed for."<br /><br />Etc etc. <br /><br />I guess my point is that as a parent of a special needs child I have become painfully aware not only of any sideways glance in my son's direction but lots of offensive language and actions big and small in this world. On my son's behalf I try very hard to never offend anyone and I don't stop to determine what "rules" apply at that moment. <br />If that's not "you" well its your blog and your right. It seems like a fine line to decide what is an "attack" and what isn't or what is offensive and what isn't. Wasn't the point of your original post that random people shouldn't get to decide what is and isn't offensive when they don't have firsthand experience to contribute? Where am I going wrong here? <br />I am thinking that some groups who faced religious persecution "EVERY FUCKING DAY" throughout history might agree with me. And black citizens of the world who were subject to use of the "n" word "EVERY FUCKING DAY" don't count either because they are in most cases able to defend themselves. <br />If you really want to read something interesting look up the etymology of the French word "cretin" which tends to be the most commmon equivalent of the "r" word in France. <br />On that note I guess I would amicably agree to disagree.amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401394002260660531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-27282589363600558222011-09-22T13:49:47.611-05:002011-09-22T13:49:47.611-05:00What is offensive with your prayers is that you wo...What is offensive with your prayers is that you would say them whether they are wanted or not. "I will sacrifice a goat to your child whether you want me to or not." Would you find that offensive? "I will pray to my golden idol whether you want me to or not." Wouldn't that violate your belief in praying to false idols. All I'm saying is that you should not pray for people if your prayers are not wanted. If your statement, ""We will add your disabled child to our prayers along with our own. Whether you wish that for her or not," had left out that second sentence it would not have been the least bit offensive. But your statement is saying that your beliefs are better than my beliefs (without even knowing what my beliefs are) and that is offensive.Tom P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05638283790763940692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-12998112056962737362011-09-22T13:41:16.652-05:002011-09-22T13:41:16.652-05:00First of all, I didn't say that your offer of ...First of all, I didn't say that your offer of prayer regardless of my wishes was offensive. As an agnostic, I am frankly indifferent to your prayers, although I also appreciate the gesture.<br /><br />Secondly, what you appear to be saying is that my use of the word "goddamn" is an offense to your rules. It's not offensive to Catholics in the sense that it insults or demeans them. It's not derogatory. And as Tom very correctly points out, it doesn't attack anyone, much less anyone in a largely defenseless position. It's not the same thing. It doesn't even come close to being the same thing.<br /><br />It breaks your rules. And that means that it would be inappropriate for you to use it if you wish to keep those rules. But your rules don't apply here. If they did, why not everyone else's? I post pictures of Schuyler without her head covered. Should I stop that because it breaks the rules of some Islamic sects?<br /><br />You're comparing apples and oranges. It would be hypocrisy if I were asking people to complete purge their language of words that might possibly make anyone in the world uncomfortable. That's not me.Robert Hudsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15462451435441751837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-38590854131362606112011-09-22T13:27:36.157-05:002011-09-22T13:27:36.157-05:00well ok.
Its offensive because we are Catholic. L...well ok. <br />Its offensive because we are Catholic. Like lots of people. And we believe in the ten commandments. One of which is not to use the Lord's name in vain. <br />I think to most Christians/Catholics this is quite offensive. So is adultery, murder, etc etc. Sorry but we don't know the same people Tom. I have a large Catholic family that I spend a lot of time with and I can't recall that I have ever heard any of them say that. <br />Not as sorry as I am though that you would find it offensive for ANY child to be prayed for. <br />You can say g*ddamn and thats not offensive but if I offered to pray for your child that would be? We pray for our brothers and sisters on earth whether they are believers or not because WE believe that we should pray for those in need. If you would decide that you were offended, especially on behalf of your own disabled child I am not sure I want to try to argue with you about it. Sorry. <br />Anyway the Catholic church teaches us not to judge and I am not judging nor do I want to be judged. I just happen to dislike both those words. Nope it doesn't attack me as a person. You are right. So an "offensive" term that attacks not me but my beliefs and convictions upon which I live my life and teach my children doesn't count? I just don't think you can qualify "offensive" by whether or not the word in question can be replaced by a pronoun. Just ask the millions of Americans and others who are deeply offended by the very use of God's name in any secular context. Offensive is offensive. So that is why it is offensive. <br />My own child has taught me not to judge and to be careful. I'm not glad that he has the problems he does but he has changed the way I look at people and I'm glad for that.amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401394002260660531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-65296068627610032582011-09-21T09:17:33.170-05:002011-09-21T09:17:33.170-05:00Amanda: I guess I should have said: how can you wr...Amanda: <i>I guess I should have said: how can you write an entire post on an offensive word yet find it fine to use "goddamn"?<br /><br />That is highly offensive to many people as well. Including me. </i><br /><br />Okay, I'll bite. Explain to me why this is offensive.Robert Hudsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15462451435441751837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-28040157797344102042011-09-21T08:43:52.623-05:002011-09-21T08:43:52.623-05:00"We will add your disabled child to our praye..."We will add your disabled child to our prayers along with our own. <i>Whether you wish that for her or not.</i>"<br /><br />Talk about being offensive.Tom P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05638283790763940692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-23951140673444022192011-09-21T08:41:42.725-05:002011-09-21T08:41:42.725-05:00How about because the two words are not offensive ...How about because the two words are not offensive in the same way. Using the r-word is an attack on a particular person who can't even defend themselves. Goddamn may be offensive to you but it does not attack anyone. Even people I know who are deeply catholic aren't offended by the word, even use the word.Tom P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05638283790763940692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-3654484984962835532011-09-21T08:07:11.481-05:002011-09-21T08:07:11.481-05:00I guess I should have said: how can you write an e...I guess I should have said: how can you write an entire post on an offensive word yet find it fine to use "goddamn"?<br />That is highly offensive to many people as well. Including me.amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03401394002260660531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22878815.post-41653550889227504682011-09-20T21:11:48.573-05:002011-09-20T21:11:48.573-05:00BUT how you can be a parent of a special needs chi...<i>BUT how you can be a parent of a special needs child and make a comment like that? </i><br /><br />I don't see the connection. At all.Robert Hudsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15462451435441751837noreply@blogger.com